Why is that certain music can bring you back to a certain time or point in your life? Some times when you are living that one specific moment, you don’t realize that you will never forget that time in your life. Those moments are in-bedded into our memory, life is not one big story, but it is all the little stories in the one big story that you call life.
Stories are to be made into books, that people will read; from the first minute you are born, not only are you given the gift of life, you are also two other things. You are first are given a clock, this clock does tell time, but not the time of day, but it tells the time you have left. After you are given your clock which you can not see, or tell how long you will live, you are given a book. This book is filled with blank pages, you can not take any pen to it and write what you like, or a novel you have thought up of. The only thing that is your pen, is the steps you take, the choices you have made, the people you have been acquainted to, the ones you have made friends with, others who are not your allies, and your thoughts and also speech. You can decided what is going to happen in your book depending on what you do and what you become. Every book ends in a similar way, everyone has to die, but what you die of or from or maybe something you did that caused you to die isn’t really up to you, but it is different from everyone else.
I have lead my life the way I thought best at the time. Do I regret my decisions once in awhile? Yes, I do I think back and say to myself I would have done this; whatever it is, differently. Would I change my decisions, actions, and words? Absolutely no, the things I choose, the things I did, and the things I some times regret saying have made me the person who I am today. I enjoy my life, I don’t know where it might lead I have learned that in the past few years. Trust me, don’t ever plan your life to far in advance, take each day as it comes, the only true way to make God laugh is tell HIM what YOU have planned for YOU. Yes, decisions you have made and paths you have chosen to follow is up to you, but you never still truly know what you are going to do a year from now.
Your life is a book, the steps you take in your life is the pen. It is up to you to write it, and figure out what kind of book will it be, and not in a sense of being a romance, adventure, sci-fi, and etc. but is it a book that will never be read, or a book that every library will have and a book that will be read over and over again through the ages. Your book, do what you wish. Do you want to be forgotten when you die? Or do you want your story to be told forever? I know what I want to do, do you? Do you know how your going to write your book?
In my life there are things that I distinctly remember, and honestly wish that time in my life I could just go back and relive it over and over and over. One thing that has been on my mind for some time, is dancing. I used to love it so much, it was my everything, it was my passion, it was the one thing that I felt that made me who I was. A way to escape everything, just listening to the music, feeling rush through my body. Having the pure sense of joy keeping the beat and rhythm in my feet and body. Moving in such ways that only certain people could move, a certain poise, that mind blowing flexibility. I had danced for 11 years, I haven’t taken another step into a studio for four years now.
I still remember the feeling of dancing, the horrid smell of ruber floors that where never washed, only swept. A distinct oder to the shoes, that smelt bitter tbut then brought joy to know that they help me glide on the floor. The wood bar that made me test my strength, flexability, and make me move in postions that would make a few people cringe at the sight.
Sadly that one fateful Summer everything that was me, was gone. I was ten when my Grandfather (Nugypapa) died, I was very close to him. I came over to visit every single day since I was like two to ten that is 2,918 day in a row I saw my grandfather. So maybe showing you a larger number you will realize that he was very special to me. The first time in 2001 he asked me if it was okay if he missed my dance recital. And then asked me to give a private show later, he never saw my dance. He had died before I could ever show him. I remember it as if it was yesterday, on the stage, in my purple dress, thinking my grandfather wasn’t in the audience and dancing to ”Beauty and The Beast” at the time of the recital he had not yet left me. But soon after my recital he was gone. After his death all my memories of my grandfather had vanished as quickly as he did. But I did continue dancing four years afterwards, but ever since he has died my love for dance had quickly gone. The last time I stepped on the stage to preform, I remember forgetting my footing, and became off beat for all three songs, now when I look at the videos, I can see that my mind was not in the moment of dancing but thinking of my grandfather.
My love for dancing is still somewhere in my heart, when I hear certain songs I would practice to I seriously stop what ever I am doing and dance. Those moments are forever embedded into my memory. When I stopped dancing is a descion I regret making some days.
One thing I do have to say is this, it has been exactly one year from a very low point in my life. I am so happy to see how I have grown over this one year. I never made a bad choice in my life, just not the best choice there was. But, I am very happy to report that I have reached the one year mark of a certain time in my life that took me through the worst time in my life, the most depressed I had ever been. Odd enough to say that I am happy it happened to me, because not only did I grow from it. I don’t think I could bare the thought of someone else in my position. Because I know that maybe someone else might not have been able to deal with it. They say the first cut is the deepest, but it wasn’t the first cut that hurt the most, it was the second, the third, and the fourth that hurt more then ever. But now it has been a year, from that point of darkness, and lonelyness, and quite frankly it has taught me so much.
Well, now my life is swell! Okay, it isn’t all that sweet and wonderful as it might look, but it is better then what it was. I have learned that life IS fair, it might not seem so at the time, but that is because there are better things in store for you in the future. When there seems to be nobody in the world that understands you, or loves you in a certain way *your family doesn’t count* there is someone that does. You might know them, you might not, but they love you with a burning passion, and so will you when you find them. 
Understand life is short, don’t try to put life on hold, because time won’t stop. Hopefully what I told you in this blog will make you understand how life is short, and you never know when it is going to end. Also, you know that you might be making a hard choice at the moment, like for me it was to stop dancing, but know that in the end everything will work out as planned.
song for this blog is……..”1234″ by Feist.
p.s. Bible study was fun. We all wrote something nice to each other and read it later. Erin says I am over analytical. It is slightly true, I have to admit! The ride home from bible study was fun! Shy is cool, because she secretly is Russian and writes backwards F’s. HAHA! Kels is cute, because she tunes people out!
